Depressed
Been wonder what's wrong lately. As the sun goes down, my mood seems to follow suit. All the emotions just come back to me. I start thinking about all the memories I've shared with my friends, and realising how I will never have these memories again, because those friends just vanished from my life.
They aren't really gone but we are no longer that close. I remember telling my problems to them, but now I just keep everything to myself because I no longer have that close friend to share anything personal to.
Yesterday night, I talked to one of my primary school friends about how much I missed our primary school moments. I know I shouldn't keep thinking about it, but to be honest, I was happier, stronger and much more carefree back then. It's like I had nothing to worry about.
When I entered secondary school life, everything just turned upside-down. Nothing was the same anymore. A new environment, without my close friends, I had to start anew. I started making friends, and we became really close. Then reality came crushing down to me when I had to be separated from my friends again due to the streaming of classes. Though most of them are currently in the same class as me, but this is where I feel that I've started to change.
Problems started coming in this year and I know how it feels like to bottle up your feelings, it's absolutely terrible - which is probably why, I always tell my friends that I will always be there to listen to their problems so that they know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. However I forgot that I wasn't superwoman, I can't take away everybody's problems from them. Those problems they told me weighed a ton on my shoulders, and I felt like I needed to carry it for them, in order to let them breathe, but it all got too much for me to carry, which made me felt suffocated. At the end, no matter what, I still took everything in. It's kind of contradicting isn't it? In my first few posts, I talked about how we should be selfish at times, but I am not doing it. It's not that I want to make people think that I'm an angel, it's just me. I am not the type to see my friends being depressed hence I would rather take the burden off from them even if it means that I would be the one who will feel depressed.
I started to feel sad and depressed.
What baffled me was, there was this friend who actually made me feel really touched. He told me that I was able to tell him my problems like how he told me his, but the thing is, all these weights that I'm holding on now, will he be able to take it? In the end, I never told him anything, I just simply replied him with a "I'm fine." every time he asked. To be honest, I really don't want anybody to feel the way I'm feeling, it isn't fair for a 14 year-old kid to feel like this, they should be living like teenagers; playing, laughing, screaming, everything that screams happiness by the look of it. Thus I feel that there wasn't a need for me to share my burden. I've never told him this, but I'm really grateful to him for actually telling me that he would be there when I had troubles. Really, thank you for at least putting in that effort to tell me that, not many people would have actually done that for me.
Hopefully whatever I am feeling now will come to an end soon. Ending this with the cover done by EXO, which I'm currently in love with!
Jing Yi
They aren't really gone but we are no longer that close. I remember telling my problems to them, but now I just keep everything to myself because I no longer have that close friend to share anything personal to.
Yesterday night, I talked to one of my primary school friends about how much I missed our primary school moments. I know I shouldn't keep thinking about it, but to be honest, I was happier, stronger and much more carefree back then. It's like I had nothing to worry about.
When I entered secondary school life, everything just turned upside-down. Nothing was the same anymore. A new environment, without my close friends, I had to start anew. I started making friends, and we became really close. Then reality came crushing down to me when I had to be separated from my friends again due to the streaming of classes. Though most of them are currently in the same class as me, but this is where I feel that I've started to change.
Problems started coming in this year and I know how it feels like to bottle up your feelings, it's absolutely terrible - which is probably why, I always tell my friends that I will always be there to listen to their problems so that they know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. However I forgot that I wasn't superwoman, I can't take away everybody's problems from them. Those problems they told me weighed a ton on my shoulders, and I felt like I needed to carry it for them, in order to let them breathe, but it all got too much for me to carry, which made me felt suffocated. At the end, no matter what, I still took everything in. It's kind of contradicting isn't it? In my first few posts, I talked about how we should be selfish at times, but I am not doing it. It's not that I want to make people think that I'm an angel, it's just me. I am not the type to see my friends being depressed hence I would rather take the burden off from them even if it means that I would be the one who will feel depressed.
I started to feel sad and depressed.
What baffled me was, there was this friend who actually made me feel really touched. He told me that I was able to tell him my problems like how he told me his, but the thing is, all these weights that I'm holding on now, will he be able to take it? In the end, I never told him anything, I just simply replied him with a "I'm fine." every time he asked. To be honest, I really don't want anybody to feel the way I'm feeling, it isn't fair for a 14 year-old kid to feel like this, they should be living like teenagers; playing, laughing, screaming, everything that screams happiness by the look of it. Thus I feel that there wasn't a need for me to share my burden. I've never told him this, but I'm really grateful to him for actually telling me that he would be there when I had troubles. Really, thank you for at least putting in that effort to tell me that, not many people would have actually done that for me.
Jing Yi
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