Dreams.

Fascinated by how time passes so fast. At the start of every week, I dreaded every single second and only longed for Fridays to come. Unknowingly, it has been near 7 months into the year 2016.

 I was on Instagram some time back and I came across one of my friend's post. I really got me thinking about what I have done for these past 7 months. I entered JC, telling myself that I will make use of these 2 years to find what I truly want in life, and work for it. However, nothing seems to be coming up. I haven't got a bit of idea on what I want in life.

 I like to joke around with my friends and tell them that I want to get married to a rich guy so I don't have to worry about my future. I can just stay home look after the kids and bake for them. That's my form of utopia, paradise, heaven.

 I want to lead a peaceful, stable life. I'm not a risk taker, I hate taking risks. I don't like to do things which I have no answers for. Perhaps, this is why I have yet to find a goal in life. Because of my nature, my refusal to venture out and try new stuff, I am afraid to reach out to what I want in life.

 I like to bake. I like to read story books. I like to sing. I like to dance. I like to entertain people. I like to sit in front of my computer and type out blog posts and story ideas. I like to do all these but I'm afraid of stepping out of my current comfort zone and take things a step higher. I keep thinking to myself, so what if I like to do all these? Liking it doesn't equate to how well I'm at doing it.

 Sometimes, I'm just really envious of people who can tell me confidently what they want to do in life. It's great. Even when their dreams seem to be far away, but at least they know what they want and they are doing something to achieve it.

 For me, I really don't know what I want.

 A cafe? Will it survive? Will it be able to provide me in the future? 

 A writer? Am I good enough? How can I actually dream to become one when language isn't even my strongest subject?

 An entertainer? How will you fare? Are you really that great? An entertainer comes with tons of responsibilities, how are you going to cope with it? Do you really think you are suited to face crowds when that's what you hate the most?

 I always tell myself that things in the future may be bleak right now, but sooner or later, things will get better. I really don't want to deceive myself with those comforting words anymore. It's tiring and it doesn't help with anything. The only thing I want to do now is to get my life together and work hard. Because only with good grades, you get to choose.

 I'm feeling pretty neutral about these though it should have probably affected me more. It's just a thought anyway, but I really do hope I hurry figure what exactly do I want in life.

 -Jing Yi

Comments

  1. Anonymous24 July 2016 at 11:04

    yay u finally updated!!! It takes time to find out what you want to do in the future and you shldnt rush it !! Everyone is different, some are more confident while some are less. i trust that as long as you put in effort u will definitely do well :)) dont worry too much kay ��

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