Here I Come, 2016
Brand new year but the same old me! The same old me who constantly has a lot going on in her mind, the same old me who likes to bake and cook, the same old me who is afraid of lizards, cockroaches and clowns, the same old me who is always lazy, the same old me who likes to sleep, the same old me who needs to blog about her feelings.
There's definitely a lot of things going through in my mind now. The worse part of it is that all of them needs a closure which means I have to make decisions on those matters. I tried to avoid those matters by not thinking about it too much but at the end of the day, it just comes back.
I used to struggle a lot when it comes to making a decision. Always fearing that I will hurt someone when I make up my mind. I bet all of you reading this share the same sentiments as me. Making decisions are never easy. Also, I believed I've talked about the topic of making decisions in my early blog posts and I always believed that as long as your decision makes you happy then it's always the right move.
This time round, it's a real struggle. It's a friendship that I don't want to let go but I'm not sure whether the other party wants to, or not. For me, letting go definitely doesn't make me happy but not letting go affects me a lot too. Just sitting there, and constantly waiting for the other party to drop hints about wanting to let go of the friendship or not is, tiring and nerve-wracking.
Thankfully, I've finally found the courage to talk to my friends about this matter. A few blog posts ago, I actually got pretty emotional and talked about how I couldn't confide in anyone around me. To be able to share my problems with people who cares about me again really does make me feel a lot better than before (I can't find words that can perfectly describe how I feel!).
Yesterday, I was really frustrated. I've waited for so long and there still wasn't anything done by the other person to hint or tell me whether our friendship is going to continue or not. I told myself, if I have to wait till O level's results day and no hints or whatsoever is dropped, I'm definitely giving up on this friendship.
It's five days away till I come to a conclusion whether I will continue the friendship or not. Ever since the beginning, when I first made friend with the other party, I'm constantly waiting. I never knew where our friendship was going but to be really honest I enjoyed every single moment of our time together. The other party did give me problems but he/she definitely brought me more laughter than tears. If our friendship ends, I'll say that I'm gonna miss he/she a lot.
To the person I am talking about:
Jing Yi
There's definitely a lot of things going through in my mind now. The worse part of it is that all of them needs a closure which means I have to make decisions on those matters. I tried to avoid those matters by not thinking about it too much but at the end of the day, it just comes back.
I used to struggle a lot when it comes to making a decision. Always fearing that I will hurt someone when I make up my mind. I bet all of you reading this share the same sentiments as me. Making decisions are never easy. Also, I believed I've talked about the topic of making decisions in my early blog posts and I always believed that as long as your decision makes you happy then it's always the right move.
This time round, it's a real struggle. It's a friendship that I don't want to let go but I'm not sure whether the other party wants to, or not. For me, letting go definitely doesn't make me happy but not letting go affects me a lot too. Just sitting there, and constantly waiting for the other party to drop hints about wanting to let go of the friendship or not is, tiring and nerve-wracking.
Thankfully, I've finally found the courage to talk to my friends about this matter. A few blog posts ago, I actually got pretty emotional and talked about how I couldn't confide in anyone around me. To be able to share my problems with people who cares about me again really does make me feel a lot better than before (I can't find words that can perfectly describe how I feel!).
Yesterday, I was really frustrated. I've waited for so long and there still wasn't anything done by the other person to hint or tell me whether our friendship is going to continue or not. I told myself, if I have to wait till O level's results day and no hints or whatsoever is dropped, I'm definitely giving up on this friendship.
It's five days away till I come to a conclusion whether I will continue the friendship or not. Ever since the beginning, when I first made friend with the other party, I'm constantly waiting. I never knew where our friendship was going but to be really honest I enjoyed every single moment of our time together. The other party did give me problems but he/she definitely brought me more laughter than tears. If our friendship ends, I'll say that I'm gonna miss he/she a lot.
To the person I am talking about:
I am waiting for you to give me an answer. I'm struggling right now because at one point you seem so close to me but at another, you give me short replies like I'm bothering you. I was really hopeful that we could return to how we were before but can we? I need your answer. It's okay if you don't want to continue this friendship, but please don't leave me hanging there, just tell me. I'm probably really insecure and need your assurance. In the past, we went through so much but we still got back to being friends again. This time round, I hope we can do it too. I want to sing "Love yourself" for you on your birthday too! If our friendship really comes to an end then know that I am thankful for the times we had together.A good thing that actually came out of this struggle would be realising the fact that I'm always blessed. Blessed with good health, family, and friends. I have everything I need and it's okay if I can't get the things I want. At the end of the day, I'm still alive, I have my family around assuring me that everything is well and they will be by my side and I have my friends who are always there to listen and look out for me. I am truly blessed and I shouldn't even complain about anything. It's 2016 and I talked about letting the past be in the past so goodbye 2015. I will have many more great memories coming up ahead this year, 2016. I have many more things to accomplish in this year. I have many more things to discover this year. We have so much more coming up in our lives! Let the past be in your memory, live the present and be responsible for your future.
Jing Yi
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