Struggling.
I'm not sure whether I've mentioned this before, but I'm constantly struggling to express myself to others. I struggle to show how grateful I am, I struggle to show my affection towards others, and I just keep struggling.
People who know me just by that few sentences we exchanged probably thinks that I'm just some "no-brainer" or something like I just speak without thinking in their opinion, which is true at times. And because of this, I constantly feel the need to show everyone that I'm not the way I seem. I'm not that "no-brainer" that you see and interact with, I'm so much more.
Very often, I would rant about certain things but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy that certain thing's presence and all. It might sound contradicting to others and they probably feel like I'm some double-faced bitch but I'm really not. Thus, I feel the extra need to clarify myself every time when I talk about sensitive topics or like controversies.
I'm never the type that enjoys the feeling of being misunderstood, so I always want to make my stand as clear as possible. For example, when I blog, I always struggle to find the correct words to use because I want to make sure that people reading my blog won't misunderstand me and will know what I'm talking about exactly.
Even amongst my friends, I feel the need to constantly clarify my stand and all though I know that they really understand me. However I feel really weird when like I want to express myself at certain times, but the timing is just not right. You can't just bring out whatever topic you want to talk about out of the blue, so most of the time I'll just keep it in and wait for the time to come, but it's either the time never comes or I just simply forget about it.
To many others, I might seem like a confident individual who dares to speak her mind but in actual fact, I'm not. I fear to hurt others with my words even though at times I do talk about certain groups of people behind their backs. I fear to cause trouble for myself with my careless usage of words.
Many girls are actually very expressive with their affection, but it is not like this in my case. I feel the need to clarify this here, because when girls show affection to me like you know those good friends affection, I'm never the type to return it. Just to make it clear, I don't return it not because I don't feel the same way as how they feel towards me, but because showing affection to others is never a part of me.
People tend to show love and care to their families too, be it girl or boy, but for me, little things like saying "Take care." when the family member goes overseas, is something that I can't bring myself to say. Same goes for, "Thank you.", "I love you.", "How's your day?", I just can't bring myself to say these type of things.
I really do struggle a lot with things that need me to express myself, so I'm really sorry to whoever got pissed, sad, angry or whatsoever due to my self-expression. I'm really bad at it.
Right now, as I'm writing this post, I'm constantly reading what I've typed to make sure that I'm conveying exactly what I want to say, and hopefully, this post really is able to convey what I want to say though I know that this post is still not sufficient enough to really talk about how I really feel and all.
I'm talking about these struggles today because I just felt really bad to not able to show how I really feel towards people and things, so I thought I might just talk about it here to lessen any misunderstandings, and to show that I really appreciate every person in my life, as well as every single thing they have done for me.
I'll work harder in trying to express myself and hopefully in my future posts when I talk about certain topics, I'll be able to convey the message and correct feelings to everyone.
Jing Yi
People who know me just by that few sentences we exchanged probably thinks that I'm just some "no-brainer" or something like I just speak without thinking in their opinion, which is true at times. And because of this, I constantly feel the need to show everyone that I'm not the way I seem. I'm not that "no-brainer" that you see and interact with, I'm so much more.
Very often, I would rant about certain things but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy that certain thing's presence and all. It might sound contradicting to others and they probably feel like I'm some double-faced bitch but I'm really not. Thus, I feel the extra need to clarify myself every time when I talk about sensitive topics or like controversies.
I'm never the type that enjoys the feeling of being misunderstood, so I always want to make my stand as clear as possible. For example, when I blog, I always struggle to find the correct words to use because I want to make sure that people reading my blog won't misunderstand me and will know what I'm talking about exactly.
Even amongst my friends, I feel the need to constantly clarify my stand and all though I know that they really understand me. However I feel really weird when like I want to express myself at certain times, but the timing is just not right. You can't just bring out whatever topic you want to talk about out of the blue, so most of the time I'll just keep it in and wait for the time to come, but it's either the time never comes or I just simply forget about it.
To many others, I might seem like a confident individual who dares to speak her mind but in actual fact, I'm not. I fear to hurt others with my words even though at times I do talk about certain groups of people behind their backs. I fear to cause trouble for myself with my careless usage of words.
Many girls are actually very expressive with their affection, but it is not like this in my case. I feel the need to clarify this here, because when girls show affection to me like you know those good friends affection, I'm never the type to return it. Just to make it clear, I don't return it not because I don't feel the same way as how they feel towards me, but because showing affection to others is never a part of me.
People tend to show love and care to their families too, be it girl or boy, but for me, little things like saying "Take care." when the family member goes overseas, is something that I can't bring myself to say. Same goes for, "Thank you.", "I love you.", "How's your day?", I just can't bring myself to say these type of things.
I really do struggle a lot with things that need me to express myself, so I'm really sorry to whoever got pissed, sad, angry or whatsoever due to my self-expression. I'm really bad at it.
Right now, as I'm writing this post, I'm constantly reading what I've typed to make sure that I'm conveying exactly what I want to say, and hopefully, this post really is able to convey what I want to say though I know that this post is still not sufficient enough to really talk about how I really feel and all.
I'm talking about these struggles today because I just felt really bad to not able to show how I really feel towards people and things, so I thought I might just talk about it here to lessen any misunderstandings, and to show that I really appreciate every person in my life, as well as every single thing they have done for me.
I'll work harder in trying to express myself and hopefully in my future posts when I talk about certain topics, I'll be able to convey the message and correct feelings to everyone.
Jing Yi
aww, just being there is enough sometimes yeah ��
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